KNOW YOUR OWN KRYPTONITE AND MAKE PEACE WITH IT

If you are still adjusting to the idea of looking at your life in terms of energy and magnetism, it might help to realise that the common denominator is recognising what is and what is not acceptable to you in your life.

Our work is leading you towards the recognition, so that problems can be kept to a minimum and your conductivity can be restored and enhanced.

As you decide more and more quickly what can stay in your life and what must go, you will get better at learning to say ‘no’.

You will be able to distinguish between attracting gold and attracting lint, and you will communicate it in a way that keeps your energy level high without lowering the energy of anyone around you.

Being able to identify what is acceptable to you and what is not can sound trivial, but most of us allow so much more to happen to us and around us than we have to.

This can take the form of the ‘deer in headlights’ effect, where you don’t even know you were hurt until after it’s over. I also call it getting slimed (as in Ghostbusters), someone does something completely inappropriate to you (for instance, raising her voice, making a rude remark, acting in a threatening manner) and you just stand there taking it, in stunned perplexity.

For a person, action remark or event to be unacceptable, it doesn’t have to be blatantly wrong. It could just be something does not fit with what you want for your life, or that makes you uncomfortable.

What it does do is take energy from you and lower your magnet’s ability to attract, by taking time, energy and attention away from what matters to you.

For example, it may be unacceptable that your neighbours are cold and unresponsive. You could be cold right back, or you could extend yourself to them in an effort to get to know them.

Imagining that after several attempts to get closer to your neighbours, the situation remains unchanged. Knowing that you tried and letting it go may be exactly what it takes to make the situation okay again for you.

Making something acceptable does not necassarily mean you have to fix or solve it; sometimes, you merely have to make peace with it.

Reconciling something like this for yourself allows the energy to flow again, which allows your magnetism to increase its intensity.

In order to do that, you are asking yourself to stretch how you are being in the situation.

You have to decide who you want to be about this instance versus what you want to do.

The result is peace of mind and permission to return to your best life.

Here is an lybl story for you to gain a clearer picture on finding your magentic voice.

Wayne was a designer at a desktop publishing firm who came to me for coaching.

He was an effecient worker, often getting his assignment done early.

Whenever that happened, he would create some of his own graphic designs on the job. No one seemed to mind – in fact, his extra work inspired a lot of people who shared his office.

One woman Clare frequently stopped at his desk to see what he was working on. In the most innocent way, she would ask if she could use one of his ideas or base a project of hers on something she would see him do. He couldn’t think of a good enough reason to say “no”, so he let her.

As Wayne and I were discussing how he could become a magnet for opportunity and some of the areas of his life that were acceptable and unacceptable, his work environment came up for exploration.

All of a sudden, Wayne started getting angry.

He could barely contain himself as he shouted: “It is completely unacceptable to me that my work colleagues use my ideas!”

He’d been bottling up these feelings for so long that it felt great to voice them out loud.

Wayne realised that he was annoyed because of both his protective feelings towards his own work and his frustration with Clare for not recognising her own ample talents.

As we looked at ways to communicate his feelings to Clare, he decided that he would no longer give her his work; instead he would encourage her to come up with her own ideas and offer some assistance.

This is how he phrased it: “Clare, it’s unacceptable to me that you don’t see that you can come up with good ideas too. It’s not okay for you to look at my work anymore. Let me know how else I can assist you to come up with some of you own”.

Giving everything doesn’t make you a magnet – it simply leaves you drained.

On the other hand, when you give out information about your boundaries and what you are willing to do, your magnetism is left intact and can even help others much more than you may think.

Wayne set a very clear boundary about what actions were and were not permitted, thus making his position known to Clare without hurting her.

Although at first she didn’t appreciate the challenge, once she came up with some great ideas of her own, she saw how his policy was ultimately better for her.

This most productive way to say no is not to tear the other person down, but to work to build them up.

Doing this will increase your magnetism.