What is more powerful WANT or SHOULD?

‘LYBL STORY’: ENTER BRENDA.

My phone rang. It was time for Brenda’s third session with me and, upon picking up the phone, I could instantly hear agitation. “I’ve been trying to rewrite my CV all week and I just can’t decide which direction will make it what I want it to be. Should I be focusing on getting a job in advertising or make it read stronger for work in software marketing?”

Brenda was a singer/songwriter by avocation and a successful communication professional in the ‘real world’. She wanted to solidify her plans to find more fulfilling work in the career that paid the bills and, at the same time, further her artistic endeavours.

In our earlier sessions, she had said things like “I just don’t know what to do. I have to think more about what I should do. Maybe if I try to do both. What do you think I should do?”

“What I think doesnt matter right now,” I replied. “What you think does.”

Brenda’s high level of anxiety and her constant use of the word ‘should’ was a red flag, so I gave her an assignment. “Brenda” I said, “For the next week, I want you to eliminate the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary”.

After a moment of silence, Brenda asked, “Well, what should I say?” She then had a laugh to herself, realising the the “S” word had slipped out again.

“Use the word ‘want’ for one week and see what happens. Ask yourself what you want instead of repeatedly asking what you should do.”

When we had our next session on the phone, it was like I was speaking to a new person.

“Hi Brenda.”

“Hi Michele. I want to be in advertising!”

By asking herself ‘LYBL QUESTIONS’ instead of information seeking “What should I do?” Brenda was able to discover what she truly wanted. She had carved wisdom out of all her confusion simply by changing the questions she was asking. She was starting to unlock the life that would make her happiest.

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