27th July 2012 – 14th August 2021
You were our Sonny Sunshine.
Our Sonny Boy.
The most kind and caring soul on this earth and perhaps the most loving son that this fur baby Mumma could have ever asked for.
We still miss you physically here every day.
Your sudden passing is something that we have now almost accepted nearly three months on, however in some ways, it’s like you never left.
As I believe in practicing non-attachment, I don’t mean to cry… but I do.
I cry in an instant.
A photo.
A thought.
A sense of you here.
A fond memory… and let’s face it, they were all fond with you.
Some days there feels like a big gaping hole in my heart and other days I feel my heart is so full that it could burst. I miss our moments in time spent together. I still feel you lying at the front door and can hear the bump on the door to let you in.
Physically you are not there. Yet, I feel that you are. You used to man that door like a hawk — choosing concrete over comfort any day, if it meant being close by or simply just to cool down because you were always running so hot.
Yet I still see you lying there like a ‘crouching-tiger-hidden-dragon’, ready to instantly levitate to a standing position to be let in — to be around Mum & Dad — to feel close.
The tears I cry are love. Just love. Pure love. I still catch myself saying, ‘I miss you’. However, the truth is, I don’t, because you are still here with us. Bringing more strength to my belief that proximity is no obstacle to love. I know you are still here… it’s like you are everywhere here.
Physically, there are remnants of you here — your fur can still be found in the oddest of places and dried Sonny slobber stuck to a wall or fixture like super glue! Sonny’s wall cement lives on… it actually makes me smile at how unique your slobber trails were.
Some days, however, it would just be so lovely to hold you again and look in your eyes. To hold your paw. To hug you around the neck. To kiss you on top of your head and all over your face like I used to. To receive one of your big bear hugs and to give one back to you in return.
You were always such a kind, caring boy. Thank you for the many moments you offered an ear for me to talk to as we shared our time in life together. You were more than ‘just’ a dog to us, our loving Dogue de Bordeaux.
We love you, our son. We are and will always be your Mum & Dad across any plane of reality that we connect with you on. Connected forever.
I have reflected on the nature of our deep & beautiful relationship many times over, Sonny — throughout our time together when you were still here in physical form and now that you’re not. Your soul is a very special expression of consciousness to me. You had the capacity to teach me reverence full of timeless spiritual truths simply by being who you are. Soul to soul. Spirit to spirit. You were like my twin being reflected back to me.
We used to laugh and say that I was like you due to the love that flowed out of you so freely and Dad was more like Sushi due to her inherent nature — being a little more suspicious of people’s intent at first before she lets them in.
Your divine light shone at all times, bringing richness, depth, meaning and a fulfilled best life. It is ‘SPIRIT & SOUL’ month here at LYBL, and seeing as you were our LYBL mascot, ready to greet our community at the door as they arrived, it only seemed fitting that I would dedicate this blog and my personal reflection to you and the many things that you taught me about how to live my best life.
1. HOW TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT
You were the master of this. A stimulus — like people walking by — would trigger a reaction, but not long after, you would always return to the present moment. Spending time with you was like spending time with a jovial friend who made you feel light and happy. You would look into my eyes and I would feel that moment when you would engulf me. Non-judgemental yet full of awareness.
That was our place of peace. You would look into my eyes and I would feel that moment when you engulfed me. Allowing me to surrender to the experience of being entirely present in return with you. Thanks for never having a hang-up about what time it was, my weight, my beliefs about life and the world, or any health ailments challenging me or even my age!
2. HOW TO HAVE ACCEPTANCE
This state of being has brought with it the capability to change my entire life and how I experience life. Thank you for teaching me how to completely surrender to what is, allowing inner stillness to set in. My desire to control every situation and outcome has started to diminish because of me witnessing this quality in you, along with my daily practices of yoga and meditation serving me to stay grounded and undisturbed by life events.
Especially the night before you passed — you completely surrendered, we all just knew. We created a farewell slumber party with as many mattresses as we could find to unite with you. Our family of five showered you with as much love as we could to support you onto your next journey. You were unattached to the outcome and accepted that it was time to leave. When you looked into my eyes, I simply knew. You leaned up against me as your physical body started to fail and you melted into me and surrendered with complete acceptance. Thank you for allowing me to spend that last 12 hours with you.
3. HOW TO LIVE FROM A SPACE OF SERVICE
This was as natural to you as breathing. Living in the moment, you didn’t have an agenda like people often do, and so this allowed you to act so selflessly. There was no “I, me, and mine”, unless it involved chicken drumsticks! You gave joy and reward while helping others; it motivated you to do more and more.
When it really mattered, you were always willing to give all you had to offer. Always excited to see any of us come home. A sweet cuddle when I was feeling a little off or simply an adorable look into my eyes. At times I wondered if you loved me more than you loved yourself? I hope not, but that was your nature.
I feel that in the final night before you passed that if I could have given you my life then I would have, yet I know instinctively that you would have given yours for the sake of mine should it have been required to keep me safe.
4. HOW TO LIVE AS BLISS
The state of bliss was ever-present and always ready in you. You would bubble up and over at a moment’s notice, being always ready for the party to begin. With your light-hearted nature and un-self-conscious silliness being so contagious, we used to call you the upside down dog — you would lay upside down like a banana with your legs in the air with your crown jewels all on display.
We would sing your ‘Wake Up Your Body’ song that I created just for you and will always be your dedicated song here in our home. You were completely free, living your life fully expressed. You brought a smile to my face and heart simply by being around. Your natural state was that of the witness perspective — the silent presence that observes life’s ebbs and flows without judgement, which allows bliss to be ever-present.
5. THE DESIRE FOR UNITY AT ALL TIMES
At the end of the day you desired nothing more than simply being near us. You arrived into our home as a shy dog, not wanting much physical touch, yet as your walls came down and you opened yourself up to love you went from being happy to be in the same room with us to being right there beside us.
No matter where we went, you would always be there, wanting to be by our side and to keep an eye on us. I used to love how you would come and park yourself next to me on the lounge and lay your head on my lap, barging anything and everyone out of the way if it meant getting a Mummy cuddle. I believe unity was your default point of view. You never saw yourself as separate from us or other things. No judgments held about any differences.
As we adjust to family life without you for now, our Friday nights will never quite be the same. No one will ever replace you and your presence in our home. We are learning that the void we feel is our grief — but it’s not truly a void because you are always here. Sushi & Sierra also know you are here. You taught us all about what it means to be a good human or dog. Your open heart shone divine light on everyone you touched, encouraging everyone’s heart to open and expand to love in turn.
You were our best mate, our companion for life, our son. And I know that as our spiritual path continues we all still travel together, perhaps in a different realm now, but still always together as one. You will always be part of our family.
Thank you for finding us in this big wide world and for deciding to stay and call us your family. Thank you for coming to be by Sushi’s side in her darkest hours not long after Bunker passed — she rejected you at first, but you managed to win her over and the two of you became the bestest of friends.
We all miss you. We will love you always. We will always bow in the greatest honour of being your human parents and siblings. We will always bow in great honour of your soul. If I ever want to be physically reminded of our love and bond in this lifetime, all I have to do is watch this video, and I know that we will always be together — beyond time, space or reality.
Big love to you our big boy, keep taking the sunshine with you wherever you go. And thank you for teaching me so many things. But mainly, I thank you for being pure love and allowing me to love you big in return with the same freedom.
