“Grief is like a bomb that blasts a huge crater in your soul.” Tara Davidson.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with the loss of a loved one. You can expect its different for every single person.
Grief has the ability to weigh you down spiritually, emotionally, physically. It can leave you with the sense of-
- Lacking direction
When we lose someone we love dearly they form part of our being and in a spiritual sense ‘complete us’ or in other words form part of our core being.
So when that person passes we are left with a hole in our ‘spirit’ or other words, our ‘core being’ which is where grief lies.
The loss of a loved one directly impacts who we are at a deep level and their passing leaves a hole, of varying depths, in our core being.
Thus leaving a feeling of being incomplete and a state of emptiness.
Grief is associated with loss. This loss could be the death of the loved, or the sense of loss that forms part of our identity in some way.
Grief is a hole that is left in our ‘core being’ from experiencing a deep sense of loss.
So the grief we feel is the fact that life as it ‘was’ is no longer the same and will truthfully, never be the same.
So the process of grieving is the time it takes us to fill this hole in our spirit and the journey to find a new way of ‘being’.
The timeframe for this to occur varies for each of us. We need to be patient and kind to ourselves practice self love.
We can ask ourself questions such as –
- What can I learn about myself from this experience?
- How can I honour the loss and make it a valuable part of my life?
- What lesson or gift is there for me to see?
We need to allow the emotions to come up and investigate what it is trying to tell us.
Many times the emotions that come up on a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month basis are asking us to take notice, to acknowledge, and to take action of some sort, wether it is an act of forgiveness, expression of love, releasing of guilt, reaching out to someone, or creating a change in our life of some sort to find peace. The emotions that come up from grief are powerful as they are messages from your ‘core being’.
So take notice, listen and take action.
As mentioned, the loss of a loved one affects our identity, we loose a sense of who we are, as who we were before the loss, leaves us not being the same as we were.
No wonder why we feel confused, empty, incomplete, uncertain, lacking direction, confused, numb and full of emotions.
The grieving process also takes its toll on our physical bodies. Grief can show up as aches and pains, chronic sickness as well as digestive issues, headaches, and a lack of physical energy making our normal day to day routines difficult to fulfil. Body language is a powerful tool to ascertain and bring awareness to how to move toward healing.
Grief also has the ability to affect our mental state of mind, it can lead us to ask many unresolvable questions as to ‘why’. Mental instability is normal when experiencing grief which is why it is important to talk with someone you trust which can be a family member, friend or in some cases a professional grief councillor or psychologist is required as the conscious mind is not able to process the loss and may need guidance and support.
Grief affects us physically, mentally and spiritually.
The challenge we have is that no one can plan for how they will respond to grief, how grief will present itself or how we will process it.
- How we respond to it is tied to our emotional state.
- How grief will present itself is attached to our physical reaction.
- How we process it the loss is connected to our core being.
Grief is different for every person and is directly related to the depth of love one has that will determine the loss one feels and the duration of the grieving process.
5 Steps to better understand your grief.
- Be kind to yourself. The depth of love connected to the loss the greater the impact grief has on your ‘spiritual being’.
- Be aware of your emotional state. How are responding to life after the loss? Seek support from loved one or professional.
- Take notice of what your body is telling you. Your physical reaction to the loss is important and allows us to honour and listen to what you need to do. More sleep, get out in nature, exercise, see a doctor, natural remedies.
- Process the loss. It is important to identify the depth of the loss and the hole that is left in your being as a result of this loss. Take action to begin to fill this hole with ‘love’ as it relates to you and your relationship with the loss you are grieving for.
- Its ok, not to be ok. It will take time to fill the hole in your core being. Allow yourself to ride the rollercoaster of emotions, take time to do things that make you happy, surround yourself with those you value and love. Take time for yourself. Self Love and Self Care are critical in the journey of grief.