27th July 2012 – 14th August 2021
You were oor Sonny Sunshine.
Oor Sonny Boy.
The most kindest & caring soul on this earth and perhaps the most loving son that this fur baby Mumma could have ever asked for.
We still miss you physically here every day.
Your sudden passing is something that we have now almost accepted nearly 3 months on, however in some ways, it’s like you never left.
As I believe in practicing non-attachment, I don’t mean to cry…but I do.
I cry in an instant.
A sense of you here.
A fond memory…and let’s face it, they were all fond with you.
Some days there feels like a big gaping hole in my heart and other days I feel my heart is so full that it could burst.
I miss our moments in time spent together.
I still feel you laying at the front door and can hear the bump on the door to let you in.
Physically you are not there.
Yet, I feel that you are.
You used to man that door like a hawk.
Choosing concrete over comfort any day, if it meant being close by or simply just to cool down due to you always running so hot.
Yet I still see you laying there like a ‘crouching-tiger-hidden-dragon’ ready to instantly levitate to a standing position to be let in – to be around Mum & Dad – to feel close.
The tears I cry are love.
I still catch myself saying, ‘I miss you’.
However, the truth is, I don’t, because you are still here with us.
Bringing more strength to my belief that proximity is no obstacle to love.
I know you are still here…it’s like you are everywhere here.
Physically, there are remnants of you here, your fur can still be found in the oddest of places and dried out Sonny slobber stuck to a wall or fixture like super glue!
Sonny’s wall cement lives on…it actually makes me smile at how unique your slobber trails were.
Some days, however it would just be so lovely to hold you again and look in your eyes.
To hold your paw.
To hug you around the neck.
To kiss you on top of your head and all over your face like I used to.
To receive one of your big bear hugs and to give one back to you in return.
You were always such a kind, caring boy.
Thank you for the many moments you offered an ear for me to talk to as we shared our time in life together.
You were more than ‘just’ a dog to us our loving Dogue de Bordeaux.
We love you our son, we are and will always be your Mum & Dad across any plane of reality that we connect with you on.
I have reflected on the nature of our deep & beautiful relationship many times over Sonny throughout our time together, when you were still here in physical form and now that your not.
Your soul is a very special expression of consciousness to me.
You had the capacity to teach me reverence full of timeless spiritual truths simply by being who you are.
Soul to soul.
Spirit to spirit.
You were like my twin being reflected back to me.
We used to laugh and say that I was like you due to the love that flowed out of you so freely and Dad more like Sushi due to her inherent nature, being a little more suspicious of people’s intent at first before she lets them in.
Your divine light shining at all times bringing a richness, depth, more meaning and a fulfilled best life.
It is ‘SPIRIT & SOUL’ month here at LYBL this month, and seeing as you were our LYBL mascot, ready to greet our community at the door as they would arrive, it only seemed fitting that I would dedicate this blog and my personal reflection to you and the many things that you taught me about how to live my best life.
- HOW TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT
You were the master of this.
Sure, a stimulus of some kind, just like humans would trigger a memory to trigger a certain reaction in you, and you would become distracted, focussed and respond.
Like when people would walk down our street, you’d hear them, you’d go running whilst barking like the tough guy, sounding ever so scary as you madly wagged your tail, secretly wishing that they will pat you through the gate and offer you a ‘hello’.
Left feeling a little confused if they would walk on by without acknowledging you.
But not long after that, you would always return to the present moment.
You were homeostasis to me.
Spending time with you, was like spending time with a friend who is jovial and makes you feel light and happy.
Spending time around you, a being who was so entirely and completely present would always invite me to the same state.
We met each other there.
That was our place of peace.
You would look into my eyes and I would feel that moment when you would engulf me.
Non-judgemental yet full of awareness.
Allowing me to surrender to the experience of being entirely present in return with you.
Thanks for never having a hang-up about what time it was, my weight, my beliefs about life and the world, or any health ailments challenging me or even my age!
I did always wonder though if your concept of time was just that little bit off or perhaps so much different to mine?
You did know right, that when I walked up the driveway to collect the mail and come back again, that you didn’t need to celebrate my return each time as if I’d actually been gone for a year?!
I choose to believe now, that you never knew exactly how long I was gone for, but I got a sense that you missed me or moreso was happy to be in my company again so soon.
How lovely that always was.
What a blessing.
2. HOW TO HAVE ACCEPTANCE
This state of being has brought with it the capability to change my entire life and how I experience life.
Thank you for teaching me how to completely surrender to what is, and allowing me to bring an inner stillness and allowing this to set-in within me.
My incessant desire to want to control every situation and outcome has started to diminish more because of me witnessing this quality in you, along with my daily practices of yoga and meditation serving me to stay more grounded, undisturbed and unrattled by life events.
Especially on the night before you passed.
You completely surrendered, we all just knew.
As we all created a farewell slumber party with as many mattresses as we could find to set up in the lounge room to unite with you.
Our family of five, showering you with as much love as we could to support you onto your next journey.
You were unattached to the outcome and accepted that it was time to leave.
This will be a moment in time I will never forget.
When you looked into my eyes, I simply knew.
I could feel you almost resisting that it was time to leave, and then when you accepted it you expanded yourself to invite in more and more love.
You leant up against me to support yourself as your physical body started to fail you, I felt you completely melt into me and surrender with complete acceptance.
Thank you for allowing me to spend that last 12 hours with you through the night simply responding to your needs and for communicating so freely with me what I could do to help you.
It broke my heart whilst at the same time offered in so much peace to my world.
Together in the darkness we found so much peace.
Our love abounded.
Your acceptance was always with you throughout your life here with us, all I would have to do is pause throughout the day to observe you and this quality was being displayed.
Finding contentment in any circumstance you would find yourself in.
Even by finding happiness using bricks as your pillows.
Unless of course Dad had been gone too long from home without you, then you would often let your contentment slip, but when it did, I definitely saw you practice patience for him to return.
3. HOW TO LIVE FROM A SPACE OF SERVICE
This was as natural to you as breathing.
Living in the moment, you didn’t have an agenda like people often do, and so this l believe allowed you to act so selflessly.
There was no “I, me, and mine”, unless of course it involved chicken drumsticks!
If I was to hazard a guess around what your Dharma or purpose in life is, it would have to be the act of – selfless service.
When you were helping others and you were cared for, you seemed to feel so much joy and reward, that it seemed to motivate you to do more and more of it.
And of course, there would be times where it didn’t always feel this way, like being told to do something that you didn’t want to do, or when you had your mind set on something else at the time. But this would be negated each time that you would finally master a new achievement that we may have been trying to teach you or simply by the way you would light up simply having pleased us.
When it really mattered, you were always willing to give all you had to offer.
Always excited to see any of us come home.
A sweet cuddle when I was feeling a little off.
Or simply an adorable look into my eyes.
At times I wondered if you loved me more than you loved yourself?
I hope not, but that was your nature.
I feel that in the final night before you passed that if I could have given you my life then I would have, yet I actually know that if it ever boiled down to it that instinctively and without hesitation you would have given yours for the sake of mine should it ever be required to keep me safe.
4. HOW TO LIVE AS BLISS
The state of bliss was ever-present and always ready in you.
You would bubble up and over at a moment’s notice, being always ready for the party to begin.
With your light-hearted nature and un-self-conscious silliness being so contagious.
We used to call you the upside down dog, you would lay upside down bent like a banana with your legs in the air with your crown jewels all on display.
We would say to you, “With your legs in the air, like you just don’t care” (Dad’s version was “With your balls in the air, like you just don’t care”, (but after all you were the boys being boys) and we’d sing to you our ‘Wake Up Your Body’ song that I created just for you and will always be your dedicated song here in our home.
We are teaching it to Sierra, yet she hasn’t as yet learnt to channel you enough, and Sushi, well as you would know, she is only into it if and when she’s into it.
You were completely free living your life fully expressed.
You bought a smile to my face and heart simply by hanging out with you.
When our house would fill with laughter it would fuel your quirky character, bringing joy to everyone around.
Your natural state to me was that of the witness perspective, the silent presence that observes life’s ebbs and flows without judgement, which allows bliss to be ever-present.
You are pure bliss Sonny Boy…
5. THE DESIRE FOR UNITY AT ALL TIMES
At the end of the day you desired nothing more than simply being near us.
You arrived into our home as a shy dog, not wanting much by way of physical touch, yet as your walls came down and you opened yourself up to love you went from just being happy to be in the same room with us, to being right there beside us.
Then the love you let in seemed to germinate and grow like a seed within you.
Blossoming into full bloom.
No matter where we would go (even to the toilet), you would always be there, wanting to be by our side and to keep an eye on us.
I particularly used to love how you would come and park yourself right next to me on the lounge and lay your head on my lap, barging anything and everyone out of the way if it meant getting a Mummy cuddle.
I believe that unity was your default point of view.
You never saw yourself as separate from us or other things.
No judgements held about any differences.
Bonded at all times, comfortable around others at all times, completely unaware of any differences.
As we adjust to family life without you here, for now our Friday nights will never quite be the same.
No-one will ever replace you and your presence in our home.
We are learning that the void we feel you left is simply our grief to not have the chance to experience life on earth with you again, but we’re realising there is no void, because it’s actually not true.
You are always here.
Sushi & Sierra also know you are here.
You taught us all about what it means to be a good human or dog.
Your open heart shone divine light on everyone you touched, regardless of who they were and you encouraged everyone’s heart to open and expand to love in turn.
You were our best mate, our companion for life, you were our son.
And I know that as our spiritual path continues we all still travel together, perhaps in a different realm or plane now, but still always together as one.
You will always be part of our family.
Thank YOU for finding us in this big wide world and for deciding to stay and call us your family.
Thank you for coming to be by Sushi’s side in her darkest hours not long after Bunker passed.
She rejected you at first, but you managed to win her over and you both went onto become the bestest of friends.
She misses you.
We all miss you.
We will love you….always.
And we will always bow in the greatest honour of being your human parents and siblings.
We will always bow in great honour of your soul.
If I ever want to be physically reminded of our love and bond in this lifetime, all I have to do is watch this video, and I know that we will always be together.
Beyond time, space or reality.
Big love to you oor big boy, keep taking the sunshine with you wherever you go.
And thank you for teaching me so many things.
But mainly, I thank you for being pure love and allowing me to love you big in return with the same freedom.