GUILT – 2 SIDES OF THE COIN

As you learn to distinguish between ‘want’ and ‘should’, you will probably experience one feeling that you’ll have trouble identifying. When you begin to feel what you really want and recognise how much you may have denied your wants in the past, guilt usually starts to show its all-too-familiar face.

You’ll need to distinguish ‘good’ guilt from ‘bad’ guilt as you let your own wisdom direct the path of your work and life.

Here, we will take a closer look at the hidden messages of guilt, and how to interpret them.

‘Good’ guilt is the kind that taps you on the shoulder and says, “hey, before you do that, take a look inside to see if you will have any regrets about this decision.”

Listening to your feelings of ‘good’ guilt before you take an action will help you figure out whether you might:

• Regret expanding your career to another city (or not taking it)
• Regret confirming a friend on an issue (or not doing so)
• Regret being at work instead of staying home with your kids while they are growing up
• Regret taking 5 years out of your career to raise kids

No matter how it plays out, ‘good’ guilt is trying to tell you something and can help formulate a decision that will work for you.

‘Bad’ guilt, on the other hand, is unnecessary angst delivered by an outside messenger that echoes your loudest fears. It says you are a lousy manager, a bad friend, a terrible sibling because it shamelessly compares you to an unachievable ideal.

When you notice feelings of guilt, ask yourself whether they are based on what other people will think if you don’t do ‘x’ or if you do ‘y’.

If so, that is not wisdom speaking to you,

It’s your ego sneaking in another ‘should’.

Thank it for its opinion and for showing up and then set it free.

Now. what about the feelings of guilt you experience when you want to do something nice for yourself, especially if it costs money or takes time?

Although I’ve seen women suffer over this more than men, it is by no means a women-only issue.

To find out whether this is ‘good’ guilt or ‘bad’ guilt, ask yourself the following questions:

• Will I regret doing this thing?
• Will I regret spending the time?
• Will I regret spending the money required to enjoy this delightful thing?

If paying out all that money could cause a problem for you, don’t do it.

However, often when you consider splurging on yourself, you do have the money and you do have the time – and yet ‘bad’ guilt stands in your way.

What do we know about this type of ‘bad’ guilt?

It’s rubbish, right?

So, move on, pass go, and do this delicious thing!

You know you deserve it…

‘Bad’ guilt tends to place you in perpetuates self doubt, making you tortuously question your desires and motivations.

On the other hand, ‘good’ guilt feelings more like a gentle nagging or prodding, asking you do better for yourself and your life.

By identifying the source of your guilt – whether it’s doing something your liable to regret or if you’re holding yourself to an impossible standard – you’re likely to feel relief.

Your guilt may dissipate.

Whenever you feel ease melt over you or are surprised by experiencing elation, give yourself a pat on the back.

You’ve struck gold. You’ve connected with your wisdom.