LYBL QUESTIONS AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
LYBL QUESTIONS are equally effective across all area of your life such as work-related scenarios and your romantic relationships.
My friend Trevor recently told me how ‘LYBL QUESTIONS’ led him and his wife to have what she said was “one of the best conversations”, they’d had in years.
His wife had a problem she wanted to discuss, and what Trevor had done was resist his natural urge to jump in with a solution. Instead, he talked through the issue involved, using ‘what’ questions only.
His wife was able to solve her own problem, thanks in no small part to Trevor’s attentive questions. She felt connected to him and very loved and supported.
Trevor understood that he did not have to ‘do’ anything for his wife. Nor did he have to ‘fix’ anything for her. Just asking the right questions was the loving listening and helpful support she needed.
Doing this for someone I believe is the ultimate form of love. This allows people to move from a place of being rescued to a greater sense of personal power and feeling self-empowered. Empowerment is the ultimate stepping stone to sustainability, which I believe is the ecology that people truly desire in any intimate relationship.
Never underestimate the power of a few ‘LYBL QUESTIONS’ to raise the level of intimacy in a relationship. When people feel heard and when they are helped to hear themselves, they often experience a deep connection to the power that they have. This is often translated into deep gratitude for the person who helped them get there. Whether they are conscious of it or not, this greater sense of connection to oneself and another makes the kind of relationships most people are looking for.
I know this works wonders between my husband and myself.
However, LYBL Questions come with an… ‘LYBL’ CAUTION!!
As you begin to realise the benefit of using ‘LYBL QUESTIONS’ in your own home and work life, I need to warn you of an exception to the ‘It’s good to ask ‘What?'” rule.
There is in fact one ‘what’ question that is not an ‘LYBL QUESTION’, but an ‘information’ question. You’ve probably used it countless times on yourself and on others.
Are you ready for it?
“What should i do?”
Oh yes, thats a very big ‘what’ question, but definitely not an ‘LYBL QUESTION’.
How many times have you asked your friends, “what should I do?” or told yourself you “really should” do x, y or z? The answers to “What should I do?” prevent you from asking the most powerful ‘LYBL QUESTION’ you can use.
It’s very simple and its the exact opposite:
“What do I want?”
I know it sounds very simple. And, yes very easy.
Most people however have a really hard time answering this question, because most of us don’t know what we wan’t. I see this up close and personal everyday. Most smart, sophisticated people with goals and plans, think they know what they want. However, truly having a sense of what would make them happy is a different story. We tend to be much more certain of what we should do, say, wear, or look like than of what will guide us to inner happiness.
In fact, most people do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure.
It is my experience that seven out of ten people don’t really know what they want.
They think they do, but they come to discover that much of what drives them is unmet needs or the expectations of others. We will work on making sure you do know what you want in Part Two of this course, so for now avoid asking the information question “What should I do?” and replace it instead with “What do I want?”