Before the truth can set you free,

you must first recognise which lies are holding you hostage

– Prince-


The beginning of self-love is to recognise the code of ‘why’.


They hold us back.

They keep us stuck.

Become our distraction from our I AM’NESS.

Keep us from our higher purpose.

The gift in life is to recognise your safe problems and to then stop talking about them.

When you talk about them you keep repeating them.

You keep your focus & energy on them.

They keep you small in life.

They disempower you.

They hold you back from love.

They are controlling & will meet your needs, however, if you are not experiencing all you desire in life then you need to look at how unresourceful your needs are because they are denying you of love.

How do you know you are operating from the zone of safe problems?

Reflect on the following list, whatever rings true for you is a sign that you are operating from a place of safety & fear, rather than expansion & love.

  • Can’t remember your childhood
  • Lack of self confidence
  • Easily offended
  • Things are absolute and without shades of complexity
  • Overly moralistic
  • Feelings are facts
  • Anxious & overly fearful
  • Afraid there’s something wrong with you
  • Rigid and a perfectionist
  • Only able to process thoughts, not feelings
  • Avoids pressure, and everything even small things feel like pressure
  • Struggles to recognise, know or label emotions
  • Avoids ‘negative’ emotions
  • Avoids ‘positive’ emotions
  • Constantly think you’re the exception; you’re ‘different’
  • Waiting for something magical to happen to ‘save me’
  • Experiences consistent confusion out of proportion to the issue
  • Self-sabotages
  • Avoids decisions
  • Procrastination
  • Avoids decisions
  • Procrastination
  • Everyone else is to blame
  • Spend a lot of time not understanding what’s going on, and doing nothing about rectifying it – as if you’re powerless
  • Highly critical of others, disdainful
  • Have the belief – ‘they had it coming’ when someone is harmed or shamed
  • Manipulative
  • Righteous, superior, and perhaps antagonistic
  • Challenges authority to make the authority ‘prove itself’
  • ‘Tests’ people to ‘see if they can be trusted’
  • Loathes being the centre of attention
  • Lacking in empathy / compassion
  • Gets satisfaction from discovering someone has been inconsistent in some way; as this is proof ‘people can’t be trusted’
  • Has rigid and secret rules about how others should behave
  • People pleaser
  • Overly intimidated by strong, self-assured people
  • Find it difficult to follow through on promises
  • Find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others
  • Naturally distrusting of others
  • Uncomfortable with other people’s emotions
  • Overly apologetic
  • Avoids taking responsibility

So, the question becomes….to allow yourself access to love will you stop using your safe problems to control others and to get your needs me?

Will you stop that?

For example, if you currently procrastinate, this will mean that you never speak about this again.

If you judge yourself, then this will mean that you never speak about judging others again.

This will mean you must live with you!

The point is, if you keep having an outlet for it and keep handing it over to others, you will never be motivated to change it.

You will wonder why your life appears to be in a vicious loop.

  • Accept your flaws rather than waiting for them to ‘correct’
  • Have challenges that when solved have moved you forward
  • Have challenges that involve growth
  • Have challenges that involve contribution
  • Do what takes you to your higher purpose



What if the only problems you took on were your growth & service to others?

What if you didn’t speak of a single safe problem?


You just have the problem as you develop some great problems.

You won’t get rid of them all at once – you are just going to stop blabbing about them

When you take ownership, and stop handing it over you will give yourself permission to evolve, to grow, to learn, to love.

This is the REAL JUICE in your life…start living the life you know you were meant to….these steps & beginnings towards self-love & recognising the code of ‘why’ hold the secrets to living your best life.





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