| Hey Best Lifer, I have been talking to my Mum a lot lately, about how lonely she can feel at times now that she is living life on her own after my stepfather passed over 2.5 years ago. It’s a topic that we bounce back and forth a lot as I can see Mum lapse into days of heaviness and darkness and as her daughter, I simply want her to experience the happier side of life and to live out the rest of her years as the best of her years. But more recently I’m coming to ponder this thought and the reality that ‘loneliness’ appears to be present to those around me. My next-door neighbour is 88 and his wife recently passed over, they’ve been together for over 65 years – he tells me he feels lonely. My husband’s Aunty lost her husband, a few years back and I know she feels the same said loneliness. I ran into a dear friend up the main street of our local township last week and he seemed downtrodden and when I connected with him over a hug and a chat, he had a tear in his eye as was recently mourning his wife of 55 years and having to make the hard decision to put her into care. So, these interactions of late have had me thinking about this topic more and more. And with not wanting to sound like I’m lacking compassion or empathy, as I can completely appreciate that as human beings, we are designed to share our lives in companionship, and are socially conditioned to believe in the home unit which starts with love between two people and grows from there. So, I am fully aware that we can dearly miss loved ones when they are no longer in our lives. But here are a few thoughts that have come to the surface since sitting with this the past few weeks. In the twilight of life, when the years have accumulated like an ever-growing tapestry, we often witness a poignant reality: individuals navigating existence on their own after the departure of a cherished partner. As I’ve become more exposed to this topic, I have started to delve more and more into the lives of those in their 70s, 80s, and 90s, and I’ve not been able to help but notice a common thread of loneliness and a profound void that has taken root where their significant other once stood in their physical form. However, what has captured my attention is not solely the absence of a loved one, but the underlying struggles with self-acceptance and the discomfort of solitude. This observation has compelled me to explore the notion that true fulfilment and freedom from loneliness can only be achieved by embracing one’s own essence and finding harmony within oneself as part of our soul’s role here on earth and beyond. The Weight of Co-Dependency: In many instances, these individuals have shared a bond with their partners that has spanned several decades—30, 40, 50, or even 60 years. Therefore, I can logically and emotionally know and accept, it is only natural for such profound connections to leave an indelible mark, as if two souls had become one. Yet, this closeness can sometimes give way to an unhealthy co-dependency, where the individual loses sight of their own identity and becomes reliant on their partner for a sense of completeness. This then makes me reflect on even more deeply on the notion of our soul’s contract and purpose on this planet, and how none of us are owned by anyone, we are simply here on a transient journey. The Illusion of Wholeness: I have also come to believe it is important to recognise that seeking someone to make us feel whole is a precarious pursuit. Relationships born out of this longing for completion often lead to disappointment, as they place an unfair burden on the other person. True fulfilment can never come solely from an external source but must be nurtured from within. I remember when I met my husband that I was in a phase of rebirth with my life and felt more whole and complete than I had for many years prior. He on the other hand was traversing some inner conflict and turmoil and going through a deep and rather dark moment in time. I remember consciously having the conversation with him, that I would not rescue him, that he needed to do the work himself. I promised to be there to love, support and hold him, but I refused to rescue him. I remember speaking to him and saying this is a journey you will need to take within and on your own so that you can discover you again. There was something innately within that told me that if he didn’t then there would always be a reliance on me, and one thing I am always proud of is how interdependent we are rather than being co-dependent. I believe that this has been a reason why our love keeps finding new heights. We choose to be here together with each other, however, on our own we can also thrive, not just survive. Now, it may be easy to argue that we haven’t traversed the same situation as couples who have been together for 30+ years and then their lives change significantly. But I believe it’s all part of our life’s journey. I do regardless believe that each of us possesses the power to cultivate our own sense of self-worth and contentment, even when a significant other is no longer by our side. The Journey Within: The path to self-discovery can be both daunting and enlightening. It requires us to confront our fears, embrace our vulnerabilities, and acknowledge our imperfections. Only when we can sit comfortably with ourselves, alone with our thoughts, can we truly understand the depth of our being. It is in this state of self-acceptance that the seed of wholeness takes root. Finding Solace in Solitude: I truly believe that loneliness is not synonymous with missing someone. Rather, it is a reflection of our discomfort with solitude, a discomfort that arises from an unhealed relationship with ourselves. When we learn to relish our own company, the emptiness dissipates, replaced by a serene appreciation for the richness of life and the universe around us. It is in this state of tranquillity that we can form healthier, more authentic connections with others. In my moments of solitude, is where I often feel more deeply connected to those I love and all we’re connected to as part of the universe. Seeking Balance and Reflection: As we reflect on our own lives, we must ask ourselves: Do we enter relationships seeking a missing piece of ourselves, hoping another person will make us whole? Or do we embark on a journey of self-discovery, aiming to be complete within ourselves? By recognising the importance of conquering our own insecurities and embracing our unique essence, we can approach relationships from a place of genuine authenticity. I’ve therefore concluded in this recent state of reflection, that in the realm of relationships, whether with ourselves, family, friends, or intimate partners, it is imperative that we nurture our own sense of wholeness and self-worth. Only by becoming comfortable with our own company can we truly connect with others and forge deep, meaningful bonds. Let us cherish the wisdom of those who have walked this path before us, and may their experiences serve as an inspiration to live our best lives, embracing the power of two wholes coming together in harmony—a power that far exceeds the sum of its parts. And even though my Mum keeps reminding me that, ‘you wouldn’t understand because you’re in your 50’s, wait until you’re in your 80’s, you will see this differently’, I can only truly and trust and hope that the way I view relationships now will set me up for a complete and full life no matter what age I am or no matter when my soul decides that it’s time to move on. It is our responsibility to know ourselves, and that’s why I’ve dedicated my life’s work to the notion of conducting our own archaeological dig to reveal the truth of the beauty of who we are. Our life’s biggest mission is to learn and reveal the truth and the essence of who we are. We are only here to conquer ourselves and all that dims our own internal light. I would love to create a world where people never feel lonely when sitting or standing alone, because they will know from deep within that they are enough. Then when they are with others, their light will be seen for how bright they shine. If this resonates with you then I invite you to jump on board our flagship LYBL program to truly get to know who you are. From there, everything becomes possible. Would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Big Love MJ ❤️ P.s: To join our membership program follow this link: https://www.lybl.com.au/ |
